I recently encountered a little.. situation. It’s not important enough for me to go into detail because although at first I felt livid with anger, now, in retrospect, I’m not really bothered. Of course, the block button went a long way towards helping that.
In any case, that situation is what inspired this post so here, I hope you guys enjoy (or implement, if you so wish)..
Be nice to your target. Make sure you call, text, grin and exchange pleasantries. Go out of your way to show how warm and fuzzy you are on the inside and how all you want is for them to be happy and for the world to have peace. Remember, it’s all about access. The nicer you are, the less likely they are to suss out your real motives.
Find your reason. What is it that drives you? What about the person-to-be-serigntoued rubs you the wrong way? Is it that you feel entitled to something which they are yet to give you? Locate the source? Is it xalis? Love? Marriage? A title? A European passport perhaps? Dig deep love.
Recruit. Surround yourself with like-minded people. Perfect your strategy, cover all angles, have a ‘Plan Rest of the Alphabet’ in case Plan A doesn’t quite work out.
Whatever you do, if you have these 3 characters in your Association Petaw Mor Nyu Nyorr, you’re sorted:
1) Bajen – The record smasher the go getter, the identifier. Is there a serign in town that they haven’t tried and tested? Even Yelp ain’t got nothing on the detailed reviews they’re about to give you. From cracking eggs on selebe yoons at midnight to sanguing with kerign-infused salt water on a boulder in Northern Mali – they have been there, done that and kept the saafaras in carefully arranged Evian bottles to prove it.
2) Selbe Ndom – The certain one. The one who guarantees you of successful results even when you’re in doubt. The power of their words is enough to make you believe that linga buga dina am, inshallah. Of course, they themselves have very little credibility and are only listened to because they offer their unwarranted ‘readings’ and become insufferable when ignored.. but forget that, we’re trying to stay positive here.
3) El Hadj Mansour Mbaye – the first point of contact, the communicator, the oral messenger. The one who pokes the target to see if your desired results can be achieved sans trips to Serign Chaya Bu Magg. The negotiator, as in “sa cousin diww kagn lamor yoneh guro nak? Anh. Nga guiss mom tamit mu touki *insert horomless kekeke*”
Send him forward first, before you start soaking the goat’s horn in camel milk.
Have your sarakhs on deck. Before you go hunting for a serign, prepare yourself. The earlier you get to work the earlier you can see results.
Here, let me help you out..
What’s your issue?
Love? Marriage? Relationships? Prepare your sugerr, sunguf si leka rek moy fajj sa sohla.
Papers? Visa? Travel? Get your white A4 papers lined up boo, sarakhi kait. Straight up.
Anger? Resentment? Revenge? Make sure you’re on good terms with the ganarr vendor in marche Serrekunda – sarakhi ganarr bu honda mor neka si sa future. Nga jox kor sa target bi mu leka wala nga sacrifice ko. Bena la si.
Get you a serign bu nyemeh. Kor hamneh fu halis neka rek muneh naam Drammeh. Someone who is on your level, who won’t blink no matter how far-fetched your request. A deliverer who will not only guarantee you results but will also partake in the process of the ligaye-ation. Need a small white sheep with a large black spot behind its left ear? No worries, he got you.
The most important element, fitt. No lohhing when you’re about to sprinkle that good stuff on their food. No second-guessing when the moon is reflecting on you as you bury an assortment of horns deep into the soil. No feelings of guilt or shame as you realise that perhaps people don’t owe you anything and that playing master over others’ lives is indeed a form of madness. Nada.
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